If you are like most people you are probably saying what #Nomore week is. Last week I was in your shoes. I was flipping through the Television because I had a cold, and I was bored, and I saw one of my favorite guitarists of all time on Dr. Phil. Now first let me state, I am not a person who ever sits around and watches Television, especially during the day, but my being sick, seeing Dave Navarro, I stopped. I had heard something bad had happened with him when he was younger, and I knew that his addiction was always an issue for him; so I thought oh maybe he’s going to rehab, but what I learned during that episode shocked me, surprised me, and actually impressed me.
Dave Navarro has created a documentary called Mourning Son, focusing on his life since his mother and her and what happened in his life due to avoiding dealing with his trauma of being a person who faced domestic violence and witnessed abuse.
Dave Navarro wrote a letter to NoMore.org subscribers stating: “On March 3, 1983 my mother and her friend were tragically murdered by her ex-boyfriend, in her own home. I was only 15 when that man murdered my mother, and it has completely changed my life to this day.” Throughout the letter he explains how the journey has affected his life, and what he has learned, and what the organization’s goals are to do. It was very moving. I thought to myself, wow, finally he’s clean, he’s put together and he’s finally cleaning up his demons and letting other’s learn what is going on with him, and teaching other’s by example. Is this enough, or is this just a start?
I am reminded constantly that the world has learned to accept sexual abuse and domestic violence, which to me is very sad. We know these are horrible acts, yet depending on who commits them or who the person is, depends on how we react to what happens in the eyes of others. I have heard people say ‘she deserved it, because she’s a whore’, well a woman who strips for a living doesn’t mean she doesn’t have the right to say no, just like the man who pays for food in the house with his wife has the right to expect yes. Why are we so heartless that it’s ok to force a woman who is raped to work with her abuser, or we find it is ok to ignore that a person who has beaten his significant other can be just patted on the back for having “made a mistake or using drugs” because he is famous. Then there are other forms of abuse that people ignore or choose to turn a blind eye to for whatever reason, such as emotional abuse, financial abuse, and verbal abuse are all invisible but cause just as many reminders and painful memories as physical and sexual abuse. Why is the attention placed on those that have physical signs rather than invisible signs?? It sounds simple, because it can be seen, and we are told to be seen and not heard all throughout our lives!!!!!!!!!
I am sure you are sitting there saying well what can I do? KNOW THE SIGNS!
Emotional Abuse Signs include:
- Name calling, insults, continual criticism
- Extreme jealousy or possessiveness
- Isolation from family or friends
- Monitoring where partner goes & who partner spends time with
- Withholding affection as punishment
- Threats to hurt partner, children, family or pets
- Humiliation of partner in any way
- Expectation of partner to ask permission
Physical Abuse Signs include:
- Damaging property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.)
- Pushing, slapping, biting or kicking
- Abandoning partner in a dangerous or unfamiliar place
- Driving recklessly to scare partner
- Using of a weapon to threaten or hurt partner
- Trapping partner at home
- Preventing partner from calling police or seeking medical attention
Financial Abuse signs include:
- Controlling access to financial information
- Refusal to share money
- Preventing partner from having or keeping a job
- Taking partner’s money
- Not allowing partner’s name to be on accounts, which would allow partner to build credit
- Demanding account of all purchases
One of the most important factors is to remember that you want to be safe and help the person, not cause more issues. IF you are the person who is in trouble, please let someone help you!!!! The cycle never stops, unless you stop it. Take the Pledge!!! Show your support Remember No More week is March 6-13th, but Say No to Domestic Violence always!!!!!!
Great links and resources:
Helping someone you care about