Today I woke up, and was shocked to hear the news of a girl I worked with many years ago, when I worked in the Department of Juvenile Justice, who died of an overdose, and it made me really think about how therapy changes lives, or does it? The answer is, yes it can, but today, for about 5 hours, I kept thinking how such a tragedy can take place, and how horrible this was to lose someone so young. So I came home from work, curled up in bed with my dog, and put on the movie, To Write Love on Her Arms (http://twloha.org ). I had seen the movie when it came out, and I loved it, but today it was more powerful than ever before.
For those who do not know about the TWLOHA movement, let me explain it. The actual website and foundation was originally was created to tell a story of the founder’s friend who was suffering from addiction, depression, self-injury, and suicidal thoughts. He created something originally to help support her to get help, and it became a huge movement. Now this movement helps so many to have a voice, and share their stories. It allows people talk about their feelings and share about their shame and guilt. I first learned of this movement when working as an in-home therapist, and now look to this site for guidance, motivation and often inspiration. I encourage others to visit this site, and share this knowledge with other therapists, as well as with parents and clients, to encourage them, and show that they are not alone, and there are others out there who can understand what they feel and what they are going through.
So why write about this, instead of just share a link? Well I guess it’s the movie, mixed in with the loss of a girl who was notorious for self-harm, as well as self-destruction through her drug usage. In so many ways, the girl in the movie reminded me of this young woman who lost her life too soon. I remember once I saw her drawing in a notebook pictures of an arm with cuts all over, and I asked her why she did this, she explained she did it so she wouldn’t get in trouble for following through with her wanting to physically do this and she could go home sooner from “jail”. When it came time to go home, she stated how scared she was, due to going back to her old environment. I remember thinking to myself; well hopefully she learned something along the way.
Here I am sitting here, years later. I now realize this young lady was only in the DJJ because she could not afford treatment, and treatment was not available for her in school. She was not from a wealthy family, and did not have the opportunity to have a therapist come to her home, or even medical insurance until she was in the system. Many teenagers and young adults end up in institutions due to many of these issues. There wasn’t a TWLOHA program around back then, and she did feel alone, because at the time she was, in her mind at least.
The reality of this is, I can’t make a person change, I can give a person tools to want to change and teach them how to change their thoughts, regulate their emotions and COPE. It has taken years for me to realize and accept this, and I thankfully am learning more about this daily. The truth is if a person wants change they are going to actually try to change and work on that change, seek the change they envision, we can’t force that change on them.
I encourage everyone to watch this movie if you haven’t seen it, and definitely check out the website http://twloha.org, support the cause. If you are suffering get help today and if you are a therapist and need help with a client who suffers don’t be afraid to ask someone for advice, or talk to your supervisor.